i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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