Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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