Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
