was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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