you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My vagina just recognized that song.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
