im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
