I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
