U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
