Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
