I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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