we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
