And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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