So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
my poor anus
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
