i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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