can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
