my phone needs a breathalizer
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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