I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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