Dignity is for republicans.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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