Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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