Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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