dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His nipple licking is glorious
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