Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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