Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
