my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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