you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize