I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize