remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
