I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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