I just made out with a guy for $7.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
a search helicopter?!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
