just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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