I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize