I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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