the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
