I cockslap morals
I skipped work to stalk him.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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