Too much gin, very little bucket
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
