I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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