Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
