Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
