But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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