she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
All the doctor said was why
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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