omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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