I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
