Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize