My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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