If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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