Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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