It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
