About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
