Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
