did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
