p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
As shirtless as possible
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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