either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
