Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
