Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
