Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
