We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
