I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
