did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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