he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
