your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
